I read a book titled "Maybe You Should Talk To Someone" written by Lori Gottlieb and came across the idea of ultimate concerns, namely death, isolation, freedom and meaningfulness. The word ISOLATION hit me hard as if a giant boulder fell on my head. Why?? It's because I have reached a juncture in life where I am not sharing my feelings, experiences with anyone except a therapist. Not that I don't have parents, sibling, friends, colleagues or a partner. Everyone is out there, but I can't muster the courage to speak up. That brings me to another ultimate concern, freedom. Did I lose my freedom by choice, or was it an outcome of my previous choices and decisions?
For a significant part of my life, I have tried not to hurt others by my words and actions even if it caused pain and discomfort. That was my way of attaining a meaningful life. I thought I had freedom. Probably, I was still alone, but I had the semblance of community. I don't think I was comfortable with this facade of community, and that is why I exercised my freedom and spoke the Truth to the one I thought I love. What happened next? I was accepted in totality without any judgment. Oh! that is what I had yearned for. Judged, ridiculed and abused within closed doors and my decision to usher in companionship made me completely isolated. Meaningfulness is lost because he confronts a conflict, and I m not comfortable and in pain. I want to believe I still have freedom, and yes, I still have it. If I tell the Truth to others, they get distressed, and he gets misunderstood. If I stay silent, everyone can keep going ahead in their lives except me. I just exercised my freedom by not sharing anything with anyone. All my roads to avoid isolation either by speaking or withholding truth lead to isolation...
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