To begin with, I dedicate this entry to my first roommate Neha who is getting married today. Fact is even though I am not there with her in her special moment, I am really happy that she is marrying the person she loves after a wait of quite a long time. May god bless her with all the joys she could ever imagine of :-)
The unfortunate thing is when I share such piece of news with my folks it backfires. They ask what is wrong with you. One thing which my mother has correctly guessed is our generation doesn't want to take responsibilities, be it a girl or a boy. No offense to all those readers who are shouldering a lot of responsibilities happily but I am sure there are quite a few(like me ofcourse) who avoid taking different responsibilities of their own volition.
Few days back I heard about a couple seeking divorce because the wife has not transformed herself completely from a girlfriend to a wife, a mother, a cook, and a house-keeper. Fact is the wife is a working woman with a 5 year old son and it was a love marriage. Seems quite easy to expect so many different roles from your wife. Maybe we are among the last generations which has seen their mothers (mostly housewives) cooking, house-keepering, welcoming hosts and waiting for her husbands every evening/night with a smile on her face. Unfortunately, things are not completely the same. Most girls getting professional degrees would like to have their own career and a source of income. And if a day has 24 hours for the husband, it definitely has 24 hours for the wife too. If a guy is so appreciative of his sister working, his female colleague working then what is the problem with the wife working. It doesn't end here.
Apart from the household's numerous roles with its responsibilities there are other social roles which comes in the form of husband's family members, relatives, friends which needs to be fulfilled dutifully . And unfortunately in the initial phases when the bride is struggling the most to accustom herself in the new environment, there are people who are waiting to find faults if such roles are not fulfilled to their expectations. And who will convey the expectations to her...ofcourse not any one of them. She should have some divine vision to anticipate their expectations and fulfill them. Someone would like to stop me here and say in India marriages are between two families, not two people only. My counter question is how many times has the husband been blamed for not fulfiiling his new social roles. I remember one incident when I had a get-together with my school friends and everybody came with their spouses except one girl. Her husband was not in office, he was just staying back at home. They didn't have a kid. She didn't have dinner with us as she was supposed to go back, cook and have dinner with her husband. We felt bad that she couldn't stay with us for dinner as we were meeting after 14 years. Though I ignored it then but I questioned myself later had it been a guy and his wife wouldn't have come over would we have just ignored the matter like that or would the guy have skipped dinner with his friends....I am not sure what is the answer. Depends on person to person completely but I have a feeling chances of the same thing happening which happened with my friend are pretty slim...
Coming back to my mother's categorical statement that our generation doesn't want to take responsibilities, my answer would be I am not prepared for it (maybe intentionally I don't myself to get prepared ever ;-) ). When I am already overwhelmed with my present situation and facing troubles in making everybody happy, why would I like to take on more roles and more responsibilities to make things worse( its not easy to make everybody happy and the reality is this days people don't get satisified easily). . Maybe everyone is not cut out for so much roles in life. One would argue that in a workplace employees seek challenging assignments, more responsibilities, different roles etc. In return they get promotions, recognition, bonuses etc. What does the wife get after putting in so much...financial stability, respect, love of her husband and his family members....My argument for this question would be:
If she is working financial stability is not a big incentive for her...
If someone has seen the movie English Vinglish, one would realize how many Indian husbands respect their wives who are not working and if she is working then chances of fault-finding in domestic responsibilities are much more higher
And isn't love supposed to be unconditional....
The unfortunate thing is when I share such piece of news with my folks it backfires. They ask what is wrong with you. One thing which my mother has correctly guessed is our generation doesn't want to take responsibilities, be it a girl or a boy. No offense to all those readers who are shouldering a lot of responsibilities happily but I am sure there are quite a few(like me ofcourse) who avoid taking different responsibilities of their own volition.
Few days back I heard about a couple seeking divorce because the wife has not transformed herself completely from a girlfriend to a wife, a mother, a cook, and a house-keeper. Fact is the wife is a working woman with a 5 year old son and it was a love marriage. Seems quite easy to expect so many different roles from your wife. Maybe we are among the last generations which has seen their mothers (mostly housewives) cooking, house-keepering, welcoming hosts and waiting for her husbands every evening/night with a smile on her face. Unfortunately, things are not completely the same. Most girls getting professional degrees would like to have their own career and a source of income. And if a day has 24 hours for the husband, it definitely has 24 hours for the wife too. If a guy is so appreciative of his sister working, his female colleague working then what is the problem with the wife working. It doesn't end here.
Apart from the household's numerous roles with its responsibilities there are other social roles which comes in the form of husband's family members, relatives, friends which needs to be fulfilled dutifully . And unfortunately in the initial phases when the bride is struggling the most to accustom herself in the new environment, there are people who are waiting to find faults if such roles are not fulfilled to their expectations. And who will convey the expectations to her...ofcourse not any one of them. She should have some divine vision to anticipate their expectations and fulfill them. Someone would like to stop me here and say in India marriages are between two families, not two people only. My counter question is how many times has the husband been blamed for not fulfiiling his new social roles. I remember one incident when I had a get-together with my school friends and everybody came with their spouses except one girl. Her husband was not in office, he was just staying back at home. They didn't have a kid. She didn't have dinner with us as she was supposed to go back, cook and have dinner with her husband. We felt bad that she couldn't stay with us for dinner as we were meeting after 14 years. Though I ignored it then but I questioned myself later had it been a guy and his wife wouldn't have come over would we have just ignored the matter like that or would the guy have skipped dinner with his friends....I am not sure what is the answer. Depends on person to person completely but I have a feeling chances of the same thing happening which happened with my friend are pretty slim...
Coming back to my mother's categorical statement that our generation doesn't want to take responsibilities, my answer would be I am not prepared for it (maybe intentionally I don't myself to get prepared ever ;-) ). When I am already overwhelmed with my present situation and facing troubles in making everybody happy, why would I like to take on more roles and more responsibilities to make things worse( its not easy to make everybody happy and the reality is this days people don't get satisified easily). . Maybe everyone is not cut out for so much roles in life. One would argue that in a workplace employees seek challenging assignments, more responsibilities, different roles etc. In return they get promotions, recognition, bonuses etc. What does the wife get after putting in so much...financial stability, respect, love of her husband and his family members....My argument for this question would be:
If she is working financial stability is not a big incentive for her...
If someone has seen the movie English Vinglish, one would realize how many Indian husbands respect their wives who are not working and if she is working then chances of fault-finding in domestic responsibilities are much more higher
And isn't love supposed to be unconditional....
