This time I start with a short real-life story which gave me that push to settle those conflicting opinions about marriage in my head. I will admit it outright that there are many things which I don't know clearly about in this story and doesn't make me much of an objective person to pass any judgment on any thing...so please don't assume I m being judgmental here, I am just trying to resolve the questions raised!!
There is a smart, intelligent guy and there is a beautiful, intelligent girl with a lovely smile. I don't recollect but mostly they are of the same age. They lived in a small town and the parents of the guy and the girl knew each other. Both the guy and the girl would be in their mid 20s. I don't know whether they were in love with each other or not. Only thing I know is that the parents of the girl did try to get their daughter married to this guy. But the father of the guy objected to this alliance stating status, money and power differentials between the two families as the reason. The father of the guy was working in a higher designation compared to the father of the girl in the same organization. Its not the end of the story here. Guy gets married to a different girl and this girl gets married to a different fellow. I am not sure whether the guy made any protests in front of his parents when he was getting married for the first time. However, I am aware that this beautiful intelligent girl did try to resist it when she was getting married for the first time. But she gave in, I guess.
After 12 years, both the couples are divorced and the original guy and the girl get married. Meanwhile, the beautiful intelligent girl has a son and she gets more qualified earning a doctorate. No clue whether the guy had any kid or not and what he did with his career. Some of my readers or the spectators of this event would say its a beautiful ending as they are united after a long wait of 12 years. In that case I assume people are of the assumption that they did have feelings for each other which were suppressed but weren't dead and resurfaced when they were again single. When I first heard of this marriage the movie Veer Zaara came into my mind where the couple gets united after 27years long wait (actor is in jail for a crime he didnt commit and the actress was forced to marry a guy her father decided for a political alliance and then divorces him immediately).
There would also be different opinions that if there were mutual feelings between the guy and the girl they were kept alive all through this 12 years and those feelings are the only reasons their individual divorces happened. Keeping their feelings alive they trampled the hearts and lives of their respective partners and are giving a bad example to their kids. While writing this there are so many troubling arguments in my mind, I might get off-track at times. So please bear :)
This time around the father of the guy gave his blessings for this marriage which he so vehemently objected 12 years before because of such inconsequential reasons(according to me atleast). What had changed in this 12 years that his reasoning made a U-turn? I think people would say I am opinionated but if it had not been his objection for a useless reason in the very first place this couple would have been married in the very first place and maybe not led to the unhappy endings of the respective partners(maybe the partners better off now) Not one person I shared this story with said one word against this father's actions. Is it because he is too old now to make his wishes enforced and had to give his acceptance grudgingly so he is not to blame...
Now the guy...though I hardly know him but if he did have feelings in the past did he try to protest against his father?? I think he should have. If he had feelings and he didn't then I don't have words for him because I know people personally who wait for ages to be together with the person they actually love. Nothing filmy here... At one time I felt didn't he behave opportunistically. After all, he rejected this girl and her family and married someone else. Once his marriage failed and then when he realized this lady is available lets get back to her. One would say maybe he never rejected her, the situation was so that the didn't have control and had to give in and this time when he had the opportunity he wanted to do what his heart truly wished for. Could very well be the case... I guess we are mostly the puppets of situations which we are in :(
The girl...when I look back at this whole story I feel she might had felt something for our guy from the begining. But did she keep it alive all this 12 years, no one except her could be the true judge of that. My argument here is even if there was something is keeping it alive wrong?? If I love somebody with the conviction that he or she can make me happy and I trust the person more than I trust myself then I feel its really difficult to just kill it completely. I think I am able to say it because I have been living through this for the past six months and inspite of numerous tries to just let it go I just can't do it. The first thing everyone says is to move on but move on to what?? A different person whom I would inevitably compare with the one I felt I was destined to be with or to loneliness. Loneliness because I had made him a part of my existence and however much I try nothing or no one can be a part of that existence of mine!! Comparison seems to be wrong but it is natural and inevitable in our brains. Then how do we say it is wrong??
Is moving on a sign of strength and holding on to my feelings a sign of weakness?? And just because everyone wishes me to be perceived as strong so moving on is the right thing to do because if I don't move on I m being unfair to the person I am presently with. Someone said that this girl going back to the guy and the family who rejected her once shows her sense of self-respect is low. To a certain extent, I do feel its justified but when I love a person with such a conviction and I only truly understand that why this union didn't take place in the very first place then this whole sense of self-respect or dignity takes a backseat and no one else can say anything on it. If two people love and trust each other then they would regard each other's dignity much higher than their own's...This again I am saying because I have felt it so deeply that my mind always gives in to my heart and makes me forget everything about my self-respect and I guess that's what true love is and till date my love has never failed me on it even if he is married now.
Its also true that when one gets married keeping such feelings alive are very difficult once you get engrossed in your own small world. My own experience...if they are true somehow they survive the test of time or maybe people find a way to keep it alive.However do we actually have control to keep those feelings alive? This is something which I fail to understand. If they are meant to die they will but what if they aren't?? Isn't there a reason for everything good or bad happening in our lives which can't be understood everytime. Does it mean that my marriage is baseless from its very begining and hence those feelings are alive. Or is it because those feelings are alive that's why I am not giving my hundred percent to my marriage and thats I find it unfulfilling...Chicken and Egg ;-)
I don't know what the situation was with this girl's 1st marriage from the begining. Staying together, trying to make it work and then failing after 12 years. Whats wrong in it?? Don't people stay in meaningless marriages for years or maybe all their lives. Couples fall out of love too when everything seems perfect. Everybody isn't same. Some people just snap and can't live it further...
I don't see a point in others deciding or influencing how to live with my partner however much experienced they are because they don't live my life. I live it myself every moment....
There is a smart, intelligent guy and there is a beautiful, intelligent girl with a lovely smile. I don't recollect but mostly they are of the same age. They lived in a small town and the parents of the guy and the girl knew each other. Both the guy and the girl would be in their mid 20s. I don't know whether they were in love with each other or not. Only thing I know is that the parents of the girl did try to get their daughter married to this guy. But the father of the guy objected to this alliance stating status, money and power differentials between the two families as the reason. The father of the guy was working in a higher designation compared to the father of the girl in the same organization. Its not the end of the story here. Guy gets married to a different girl and this girl gets married to a different fellow. I am not sure whether the guy made any protests in front of his parents when he was getting married for the first time. However, I am aware that this beautiful intelligent girl did try to resist it when she was getting married for the first time. But she gave in, I guess.
After 12 years, both the couples are divorced and the original guy and the girl get married. Meanwhile, the beautiful intelligent girl has a son and she gets more qualified earning a doctorate. No clue whether the guy had any kid or not and what he did with his career. Some of my readers or the spectators of this event would say its a beautiful ending as they are united after a long wait of 12 years. In that case I assume people are of the assumption that they did have feelings for each other which were suppressed but weren't dead and resurfaced when they were again single. When I first heard of this marriage the movie Veer Zaara came into my mind where the couple gets united after 27years long wait (actor is in jail for a crime he didnt commit and the actress was forced to marry a guy her father decided for a political alliance and then divorces him immediately).
There would also be different opinions that if there were mutual feelings between the guy and the girl they were kept alive all through this 12 years and those feelings are the only reasons their individual divorces happened. Keeping their feelings alive they trampled the hearts and lives of their respective partners and are giving a bad example to their kids. While writing this there are so many troubling arguments in my mind, I might get off-track at times. So please bear :)
This time around the father of the guy gave his blessings for this marriage which he so vehemently objected 12 years before because of such inconsequential reasons(according to me atleast). What had changed in this 12 years that his reasoning made a U-turn? I think people would say I am opinionated but if it had not been his objection for a useless reason in the very first place this couple would have been married in the very first place and maybe not led to the unhappy endings of the respective partners(maybe the partners better off now) Not one person I shared this story with said one word against this father's actions. Is it because he is too old now to make his wishes enforced and had to give his acceptance grudgingly so he is not to blame...
Now the guy...though I hardly know him but if he did have feelings in the past did he try to protest against his father?? I think he should have. If he had feelings and he didn't then I don't have words for him because I know people personally who wait for ages to be together with the person they actually love. Nothing filmy here... At one time I felt didn't he behave opportunistically. After all, he rejected this girl and her family and married someone else. Once his marriage failed and then when he realized this lady is available lets get back to her. One would say maybe he never rejected her, the situation was so that the didn't have control and had to give in and this time when he had the opportunity he wanted to do what his heart truly wished for. Could very well be the case... I guess we are mostly the puppets of situations which we are in :(
The girl...when I look back at this whole story I feel she might had felt something for our guy from the begining. But did she keep it alive all this 12 years, no one except her could be the true judge of that. My argument here is even if there was something is keeping it alive wrong?? If I love somebody with the conviction that he or she can make me happy and I trust the person more than I trust myself then I feel its really difficult to just kill it completely. I think I am able to say it because I have been living through this for the past six months and inspite of numerous tries to just let it go I just can't do it. The first thing everyone says is to move on but move on to what?? A different person whom I would inevitably compare with the one I felt I was destined to be with or to loneliness. Loneliness because I had made him a part of my existence and however much I try nothing or no one can be a part of that existence of mine!! Comparison seems to be wrong but it is natural and inevitable in our brains. Then how do we say it is wrong??
Is moving on a sign of strength and holding on to my feelings a sign of weakness?? And just because everyone wishes me to be perceived as strong so moving on is the right thing to do because if I don't move on I m being unfair to the person I am presently with. Someone said that this girl going back to the guy and the family who rejected her once shows her sense of self-respect is low. To a certain extent, I do feel its justified but when I love a person with such a conviction and I only truly understand that why this union didn't take place in the very first place then this whole sense of self-respect or dignity takes a backseat and no one else can say anything on it. If two people love and trust each other then they would regard each other's dignity much higher than their own's...This again I am saying because I have felt it so deeply that my mind always gives in to my heart and makes me forget everything about my self-respect and I guess that's what true love is and till date my love has never failed me on it even if he is married now.
Its also true that when one gets married keeping such feelings alive are very difficult once you get engrossed in your own small world. My own experience...if they are true somehow they survive the test of time or maybe people find a way to keep it alive.However do we actually have control to keep those feelings alive? This is something which I fail to understand. If they are meant to die they will but what if they aren't?? Isn't there a reason for everything good or bad happening in our lives which can't be understood everytime. Does it mean that my marriage is baseless from its very begining and hence those feelings are alive. Or is it because those feelings are alive that's why I am not giving my hundred percent to my marriage and thats I find it unfulfilling...Chicken and Egg ;-)
I don't know what the situation was with this girl's 1st marriage from the begining. Staying together, trying to make it work and then failing after 12 years. Whats wrong in it?? Don't people stay in meaningless marriages for years or maybe all their lives. Couples fall out of love too when everything seems perfect. Everybody isn't same. Some people just snap and can't live it further...
I don't see a point in others deciding or influencing how to live with my partner however much experienced they are because they don't live my life. I live it myself every moment....
