Since the time when I started writing this blog, I had been meaning to write about infidelity. This post and maybe the subsequent ones comes with a disclaimer that being a woman, I have come across more men cheating rather than women cheating their partners. Hence there is an increased likelihood that statements might come across as biased.
Reading Allan and Barbara Pease's couple of books, I have come to accept that men tend to be polygamous in nature. Attraction towards the other sex is understood. But the thin line people cross from attraction to infidelity is something which I continue to struggle with. There could be so many reasons or excuses to do so but then why the false portrayal that everything is perfect in our marriage except to the third person with whom you are committing the adultery with. Excuses can go to such level where the definition of adultery can be changed fitting to the situation. My personal experience says that people at times engage in adultery just for the sake of it, there is no reason or excuse.
I am no one to understand which reason is genuine or not but logic says if its genuine, people will try to end the marriage. But if its an excuse, then it's unlikely the termination would happen. Maybe some people are completely fine with such sort of arrangements which makes it evident that people don't respect marriage, the institution and it doesn't seem to serve much purpose. However, there would be some people who suffer in the negativity, in the incessant wait and the endless compromise ( specially for the third person who continues to be single and the unknowing partner who is being cheated on). To complicate it further, there is a general tendency to prosecute the cheating partner and the third person but have we ever thought what kind of picture was portrayed to the third person. Of course, we can all claim in this age that its not difficult to find the truth but it's equally very easy to create a different reality!!
It is equally struggling for me to internalize the reality that people cheat their partners even after getting married to their sweethearts. The person who loves and accepts you in entirety, isn't it fair to deliver the truth to them ourselves rather than making them go through the agony of self-doubt or uncertainty. Maybe the general tendency of avoiding to be the bearer of bad news makes us commit such hurtful behaviors. But it's also the huge ego which we carry that I can have best of both worlds without hurting anybody or getting caught. The tendency to not hurt anyone fails to work when people fail to think from the other person's point of view. The want of instant gratification doesn't help the case either. Then there is technology which makes it all the more easier to cheat and also more likely to get caught!!
Though technology epitomizes advancement of our civilization but maybe we continue to be our primitive selves. The growth of civilization gives us a choice but fails to create a conscience to not disrespect boundaries. Laws or norms fail to keep us from committing unacceptable behaviors. Rather there isn't anything unacceptable as such because of our shifting realities or for that matter shifting definitions. And hence, the utility of marriage comes under question! Yes, people will always justify marriage is necessary to raise the next generation. And we should let people exercise their personal choice to marry and not to marry...
Reading Allan and Barbara Pease's couple of books, I have come to accept that men tend to be polygamous in nature. Attraction towards the other sex is understood. But the thin line people cross from attraction to infidelity is something which I continue to struggle with. There could be so many reasons or excuses to do so but then why the false portrayal that everything is perfect in our marriage except to the third person with whom you are committing the adultery with. Excuses can go to such level where the definition of adultery can be changed fitting to the situation. My personal experience says that people at times engage in adultery just for the sake of it, there is no reason or excuse.
I am no one to understand which reason is genuine or not but logic says if its genuine, people will try to end the marriage. But if its an excuse, then it's unlikely the termination would happen. Maybe some people are completely fine with such sort of arrangements which makes it evident that people don't respect marriage, the institution and it doesn't seem to serve much purpose. However, there would be some people who suffer in the negativity, in the incessant wait and the endless compromise ( specially for the third person who continues to be single and the unknowing partner who is being cheated on). To complicate it further, there is a general tendency to prosecute the cheating partner and the third person but have we ever thought what kind of picture was portrayed to the third person. Of course, we can all claim in this age that its not difficult to find the truth but it's equally very easy to create a different reality!!
It is equally struggling for me to internalize the reality that people cheat their partners even after getting married to their sweethearts. The person who loves and accepts you in entirety, isn't it fair to deliver the truth to them ourselves rather than making them go through the agony of self-doubt or uncertainty. Maybe the general tendency of avoiding to be the bearer of bad news makes us commit such hurtful behaviors. But it's also the huge ego which we carry that I can have best of both worlds without hurting anybody or getting caught. The tendency to not hurt anyone fails to work when people fail to think from the other person's point of view. The want of instant gratification doesn't help the case either. Then there is technology which makes it all the more easier to cheat and also more likely to get caught!!
Though technology epitomizes advancement of our civilization but maybe we continue to be our primitive selves. The growth of civilization gives us a choice but fails to create a conscience to not disrespect boundaries. Laws or norms fail to keep us from committing unacceptable behaviors. Rather there isn't anything unacceptable as such because of our shifting realities or for that matter shifting definitions. And hence, the utility of marriage comes under question! Yes, people will always justify marriage is necessary to raise the next generation. And we should let people exercise their personal choice to marry and not to marry...
