She is easy and available!!
I never thought I could muster the courage to write about this.
But something snapped in me recently that I felt like shouting to the world out there that leave me alone or rather stop assuming that every single 30 plus woman is available for a time-pass secondary affair and not a serious relationship. Had it been a one-time chance occurrence I would have ignored it but it has rather become a routine which makes me question my choices and my identity at times.
There could be multiple reasons why I am not marrying. Maybe I don't have the courage to get in such a relationship where lot of efforts or responsibilities are headed in my way. Maybe I love my sense of freedom and independence much more than the discomfort I feel because of the void created in absence of a partner. Or maybe I don't want to become a liability for anyone because I am a cancer survivor.
I would be suggested by some that one has to live with the consequences of their choices or actions!! But have I committed a crime here that I am made to feel that I don't deserve a chance at a genuine honest primary relationship. The single men above 30 in any case won't even consider a 30 plus single woman which is totally understood and not much in their control. However, I am much more content in being single rather than being involved with a married man who isn't content or happy in his married life. Because such people can only be sources of negativity and false promises.
Such instances only reaffirm my belief that marriages doesn't fill the void in your life however dedicated and committed you are in your marriage because its a two-way street. Maybe it happens the other way around too where a married woman looks for a single guy outside her marriage. Assuming that men in general are polygamous in nature the arrangement may not be too discomforting for them. But for me and maybe many other 30 plus single women it keeps becoming a tougher decision day by day.
It goes a step further where my choice reflects my identity that I am easy and would have no complains in such an arrangement. Did I speak it aloud in my conversations that this is what I want because I am not marrying!! Saying no to chocolates doesn't mean I want bitter gourd, it also means I don't want chocolates or bitter gourd either. I am not trying to exorcise married men out there. I am just trying to make a point that let's try to avoid stereotyping consciously.
I know I am at an age where all my friends are married and busy with their daily lives and endless responsibilities. I personally keep my distance because in most cases its difficult to empathize for either parties. But when someone starts being friendly it becomes rather difficult to push that person away. I have to admit it is more easier to communicate with men who are married and have many responsibilities on them. The ease of communication should actually obviates the existence of assumptions but it doesn't happen that way.
I guess we are still stuck in the mindset where a woman's character is assessed by her silence and endurance rather than her actually voicing out her thoughts or choices. We assume we have the freedom to make choices and we proclaim our right to freedom yet we fail to develop the understanding that our choices or decisions could discomfort others and ruin healthy relationships for life...
I never thought I could muster the courage to write about this.
But something snapped in me recently that I felt like shouting to the world out there that leave me alone or rather stop assuming that every single 30 plus woman is available for a time-pass secondary affair and not a serious relationship. Had it been a one-time chance occurrence I would have ignored it but it has rather become a routine which makes me question my choices and my identity at times.
There could be multiple reasons why I am not marrying. Maybe I don't have the courage to get in such a relationship where lot of efforts or responsibilities are headed in my way. Maybe I love my sense of freedom and independence much more than the discomfort I feel because of the void created in absence of a partner. Or maybe I don't want to become a liability for anyone because I am a cancer survivor.
I would be suggested by some that one has to live with the consequences of their choices or actions!! But have I committed a crime here that I am made to feel that I don't deserve a chance at a genuine honest primary relationship. The single men above 30 in any case won't even consider a 30 plus single woman which is totally understood and not much in their control. However, I am much more content in being single rather than being involved with a married man who isn't content or happy in his married life. Because such people can only be sources of negativity and false promises.
Such instances only reaffirm my belief that marriages doesn't fill the void in your life however dedicated and committed you are in your marriage because its a two-way street. Maybe it happens the other way around too where a married woman looks for a single guy outside her marriage. Assuming that men in general are polygamous in nature the arrangement may not be too discomforting for them. But for me and maybe many other 30 plus single women it keeps becoming a tougher decision day by day.
It goes a step further where my choice reflects my identity that I am easy and would have no complains in such an arrangement. Did I speak it aloud in my conversations that this is what I want because I am not marrying!! Saying no to chocolates doesn't mean I want bitter gourd, it also means I don't want chocolates or bitter gourd either. I am not trying to exorcise married men out there. I am just trying to make a point that let's try to avoid stereotyping consciously.
I know I am at an age where all my friends are married and busy with their daily lives and endless responsibilities. I personally keep my distance because in most cases its difficult to empathize for either parties. But when someone starts being friendly it becomes rather difficult to push that person away. I have to admit it is more easier to communicate with men who are married and have many responsibilities on them. The ease of communication should actually obviates the existence of assumptions but it doesn't happen that way.
I guess we are still stuck in the mindset where a woman's character is assessed by her silence and endurance rather than her actually voicing out her thoughts or choices. We assume we have the freedom to make choices and we proclaim our right to freedom yet we fail to develop the understanding that our choices or decisions could discomfort others and ruin healthy relationships for life...
Beautifully articulated Shreyashi. I can very well empathize with you or many other women in their 30's. I have been there. It's tough. We only need courage to listen and understand what we want from our life than what we come across in daily lives. Most of these people are just noises, need to be ignored to maintain our sanity.
ReplyDeleteyes they are noises...at times one feels the dearth of courage because at the end of the day we are all humans!!
DeleteToo much complex. Life is simpler than this. Won't deny some of the comments you made. People do marry beyond thirties, and they live happily. Some men make relationship out of their marriage, not because they are not content with one, They want to have many. Some of them love to be with many an urge to prove himself.
ReplyDeleteChoco, bittergourd - don't you need both
last but not the least - life is the best when the third one comes. My most satisfying moment is with my son.
thanks for reading this post and taking time to add your comments. ofcourse i need chocolate and bitter gourd both but i may not want to have bitter gourd.
DeleteI would love to experience a much simpler life but every live in reality is stranger than fiction :-)
Searingly honest. Cuts like a knife.
ReplyDelete